Strawberry Gashes
by Makura-Chan
Summary: this is a beginning of a saga where someone must find out that an old mistake can alter ones life for the good or bad. And people please review it won't kill you and I need criticsm so I can make this fic great. ^-^
1. Strawberry Gashes

Strawberry Gashes

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Turn her over

A candle is lit, I see through her

Blow it out and save all her ashes for me

I stood in the doorway staring at her, I didn't want to but I was in some sort of sick trance. My instincts told me to run but my legs would not obey me. She lay there on the bathroom floor surrounded by shards of glass from our mirror or what was left of the mirror, her blood seeps onto the pale blue tiles of our shared bathroom. Her blood I stared on as the crimson water flowed freely from her pale wrists that were now covered in strawberry gashes. I couldn't move my mind screamed help her, but I couldn't I just watched as if it were all a movie not real, yet here she was my best friend dying before my eyes.

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Curse me sold her

The poison that runs it's course through her

Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over

It couldn't be real she was the brave smart one and I was the screw up. She wouldn't do something like this but now even to me she looked alien her sandy hair matted in blood and her eyes once so strong now a glistened over green. And I watched but I didn't want to, I felt sick but I couldn't turn away either. I felt the tears burn behind my eyes but I wouldn't cry, not were she could see, she always said tears are for the weak and she said I wasn't week. She looked up with me then and told me that she was leaving me so she wouldn't have to see that other world anymore. I didn't understand but I knew she was going to leave me and I wouldn't let that happen yet I still couldn't move.

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Watch me fault her

You're living like a disaster

She said kill me faster

with strawberry gashes all over

I gave one short cry and ran forward in a mad dash I grabbed a shard of glass and slashed mercilessly at my own flesh as I began to bleed I lay down on the floor and held her hand I wouldn't let her leave we were sticking together. I smiled slowly because I was so very tired. As I began to lose consciousness I began to think of my family, my papa was going to miss us so. I was always his little girl along with my sister we really were a family. My mother was a socialite and really didn't bother with us much, it wasn't her fault really its just who she was. 

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Called her over

and asked her if she was improving

She said "feels fine" it's wonderful wonderful here

As I thought I began to realize I should be dead by now but I didn't feel dead not really wasn't there supposed to be a tunnel or something, it was just black and I could here my parents voices screaming the blame at each other. Was this what being dead was like? Hearing your parents fight. As I thought the area lightened and I saw my parents arguing in a hospital room.

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Hex me told her

I dreamt of a devil that knew her

Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over

Where is she? Was my first coherent thought I tried to speak but I couldn't I didn't understand what was happening. "Papa, where is… where is…." Was all I could croak out I already knew the answer but I had to hear it. He had to tell me she was dead. My dear Papa said in a sad tone I had never heard him use, he told me she died and I was so close to be an hour ago when they found us… he said they couldn't save her… they couldn't save my best friend… my sister… 

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Watch me fault her

You're living like a disaster

She said kill me faster

with strawberry gashes all over

I had been 12 then and soon after my parents divorced not being able to live with the guilt I guess. My dad got custody, I was sent off to the best schools and was as close to being happy as could be expected. For some reason my mother wanted to fight to get me back but couldn't for while, for some reason, until I turned 14 and then my life changed again and I was sent back to the house where it all began. And there though I didn't know it my life was to truly begin after I disappeared unexplainable for around 6 months when I was 15 to a world a place my sister really didn't want to go. She wanted escape there so badly she killed herself. But there is where I found my freedom from the nightmare my beloved sister accidentally through me in.

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I lay quiet

waiting for her voice to say

"Some things you lose and some things you just give away"

Scold me failed her

If only I'd held on tighter to her

Pale white skin that twisted and withered away from me away from me

Watch me lose her

It's almost like losing myself

Give her my soul

and let them take somebody else get away from me

Watch me fault her

You're living like a disaster

She said kill me faster

with strawberry gashes all over all over me

A/N this is a beginning of a saga where someone must find out that an old mistake can alter ones life for the good or bad. And people please review it won't kill you and I need criticsm so I can make this fic great. ^-^ 

Disclaimer: I don't own escaflowne and the song is Strawberry Gashes By Jack off Jill

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	2. What if/ In the End

What If/ In the End

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Here I stand-alone with this weight upon my heart,

And it will not go away.

In my head I keep on looking back,

Right back to the start,

Wondering what it was that made you change?

Well I tried but I had to draw the line,

And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind.

They say I'm crazy, maybe I am, I can't tell anymore, I never could tell after Gaea not really at least. I play over what happened in my head sometimes and I even think its crazy… anyone would. I had no proof of what happened besides my memory… not even of him… not even a god damn picture… hell I don't even know if he's married or for that matter alive. I haven't seen him in years, not like it matters much, and I don't want him to see me not now at least. What would my friends on Gaea think if they knew… me Hitomi Kanzaki… terminally insane due to traumatic experiences along with a severe case of enema causing hallucinations. They'd pity me I suppose; Merle would probable laugh… I rather that then pity… I couldn't take that from them especially from him… Van. He was my savior and my killer, I love him or least I did once, I'm not sure of anything anymore, which why I had to give him up. 

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What if I had never let you go?

Would you be the man I used know, If

I'd stayed, if you tried, if we could only turn back time

But I guess we'll never know.

Van and I had a special link I guess you could call it that, basically we can or could talk to each other through our minds, but that was years ago before the hospitalization and my 2nd suicide attempt since Mika, my twin, committed suicide all those years ago. When I was 17 I cut off the link because I realized it wasn't fair to either of us, we were stealing time I guess. So I cut the link, not even properly I never said goodbye or anything, it was like one day it was there and the next it wasn't, mainly because I couldn't say goodbye… just like I never said goodbye to any of the others. He tried contacting me for awhile but then all attempts stopped, I think he got the message and moved on. It's better this way… I think… but I can't help but wonder what if? What if I never left, and stayed with him, I almost did… I wanted to but he just said no, well not exactly no but he wouldn't have asked me to stay that just wasn't like Van. Which is what I love about him… always the hero running in and making sure your happiness is above his own. Mind you I'm 22 now and have no right to say I love him anymore.

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Many roads to take,

Some to joy some to heartache

Anyone can lose their way.

And if I said that we could turn it back,

Right back to the start,

Would you take the chance and make the change.

Do you think how it would have been sometimes?

Do you pray that I'd never left your side?

My parents died last year in a car crash to visit me at the _Sakura temple facility for the mentally ill _which is where I was sent after I had swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills with Vodka. It is nice here, other then the fact I'm not allowed alone with anything sharp and or pointy, including the plastic silverware at dinner. I can't even take a bath alone incase I drown myself and don't even get me started on the fact I'm not allowed to shave my own legs but a nurse has to do it for me. But then here I met Tara, my best friend… she's a little wild and sneaks off a lot but at least she doesn't talk to her hand or think its the end of the world and we must save the frogs. Because of her we have a full time nurse around which kinda sucks but then when we do break free its heaven.

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What if I had never let you go?

Would you be the man I used know,

If I'd stayed, if you tried,

If we could only turn back time,

But I guess we'll never know.

The more I think about it, the more I believe I am crazy. And I doubt what I thought I knew. I have no one here that cares if I do die, except Tara and Fumi our nurse. They love me in a way, not like my family did but then their dead and that's it. I keep living for them I suppose.

"TOMI" a girl shouted from the door

"What? Tara" I respond slowly

"Fumi, went to the lavatory and won't be back for a few minutes, we can get out if we hurry!" exclaimed an over excited Tara.

"Let me pack a few things and them let's get the hell out of this dump" I call back, grabbing a bag I start tossing things in.

"Just hurry and pack some stuff for me too, I'll get the security out of the way!" she says as she pulls a can of black spray paint out of her baggy T-shirt, so she can paint over the security cameras.

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If only we could turn the hands of time.

If I could take it back would you still be mine.

Cuz I tried but I had to draw the line,

And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind.

About two or three seconds later I walk out of or room carrying two duffel bags, my green one and Tara's electric blue one which matched her eyes. Tara is 5'7" inches to my 5'6" and has long wavy black hair with blue tips that match her eyes; she unlike me is overly endowed with breasts as she jokes could be used as a shelf. As for me I grew a little taller and am still in my opinion a hobbit compared to the rest of the world. My hair is the same sandy brown but comes past my shoulders in little curls and I still have my green eyes, but at least I have a chest now… not huge but its there… around a C cup. Fumi is around my height and has chin length brown hair, stubborn grey eyes and is stick like in body structure.

"Are you coming?" Tara asks sweetly as she walks in, taking her duffel bag out of my hands.

"Yep!" I smile back as we link arms and skip out towards the main door and freedom.

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What if I had never let you go?

Would you be the man I used know,

What if I had never walked away?

Cuz I still love you more than I can say

If I'd stayed, if you tried,

If we could only turn back time,

But I guess we'll never know.

"Girls?" questioned Fumi as she walks out of the Lavatory around 2 minutes after they leave.

As the nurse enters the girls' room her face instantly fell, "not AGAIN!" she moans when she realizes they escaped for the 4th time that week. Grabbing her coat, some clothes and some medical supplies she runs out the door after them.

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We'll never know

As Fumi catches up to them in a matter of minutes an all too familiar light catches them and lifts them into the heavens.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

On Gaea

It starts with 

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One thing,

I don't know why

It doesn't even matter how hard you try

Keep that in mind

I designed this rhyme to explain in due time

All I know is that

Time is a valuable thing

Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings

Watch it count down to the end of the day

The clock ticks life away

It's so unreal

Didn't look out below

Watch the time go right out the window

Trying to hold on, but didn't even know I wasted it all just to watch you go

I kept everything inside

And even though I tried

It all fell apart

What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

Van stared dismally at his advisors, as they told him how to run his country. What was the point anymore? He had lost out… on every chance of happiness and that happened when his Hitomi had left him, his Hitomi he laughed bitterly… she wasn't his anything, she had made that perfectly clear when she had shut their link. He kept hoping that it had been a fluke and she hadn't wanted to shut him out but as the years past that hope vanished into the dust.

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I tried so hard and got so far

But in the end, it doesn't even matter

I had to fall to lose it all

But in the end it doesn't even matter

"Your Majesty?" a terrified little councilman inquired 

"What?" he demanded harshly, he was bored and wanted nothing more then to be left alone.

"Just, one more thing on the agenda it concerned the matter of… umm… your choosing a bride." Quaked the man 

"How many times do I have to tell you I will marry only for love and only when I see fit!" he roared and stood up knocking over his chair in the process.

"Yes sire, but it is obvious that the clairvoyant from the Phantom Moon is not going to come back… perhaps it is time to move on?" spoke a more bold member of his council.

"If you ever say that again I will have you hung, meeting CLOSED" he growled and made his way toward the graveyard.

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One thing,

I don't know why

It doesn't even matter how hard you try

Keep that in mind i designed this rhyme to remind myself how

I tried so hard

In spite of the way you were mocking me

Acting like I was part of your property

Remembering all the times you fought with me

I'm surprised it got so [far]

Things aren't the way they were before

You wouldn't even recognize me anymore

Not that you knew me back then

But it all comes back to me in the end

I kept everything inside

And even though I tried

It all fell apart

What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

* Mean While *

I sit up slowly trying not to move too much as I have been trained to do after I pass out. Maybe I should consider the medication the doctors are always trying to shove down my throat, because falling over all the time is not a good idea, at least, not in public places where people can see me.

"What the fuck?" mutters Tara groggily as she slowly sits up.

"What did I say 'bout swearing Tara?" I reprimand calmly, mainly because she knows I hate that kind of language.

"Tomi, dear there are two moons in the sky. Now I know I'm considered insane but even I can tell that is not supposed to happen, so I think I should be allowed to swear if I fucking want to!" she hollers back

I wince at the sound of the word, and attempt to stand and only manage to topple over Fumi who is still passed out.

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I tried so hard and got so far

But in the end,

It doesn't even matter

I had to fall to lose it all

But in the end it doesn't even matter

Van walked around the gardens heading toward the graveyard where his family was buried, he needed to think and that was the only place of peace he had left. As he neared the gate he caught strands of a conversation-taking place.

"Tomi, dear there are two moons in the sky. Now I know I'm considered insane but even I can tell that is not supposed to happen, so I think I should be allowed to swear if I fucking want to!" 

Tomi… who the hell was Tomi and what were these people doing in the graveyard… only people who had his permission could go in there. Drawing his sword he advanced slowly.

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I put my trust in you

Pushed as far as I can go

And for all this

There's only one thing you should know

I turned around slowly from my position on the ground and turn to face an odd noise coming from the opposite direction.

"Van?" Is all I could stay before…

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I've put my trust in you

Pushed as far as I can go

For all this

There's only one thing you should know

I tried so hard and got so far

But in the end, it doesn't even matter

I had to fall to lose it all

But in the end it doesn't even matter

A/N- sorry it took so long for this chapter to come out… but here it is and the songs used were In the End by Linkin Park and What If by Kate Winslet which I don't own the rights too along with the rights to Escaflowne. If I did own Escaflowne why would be writing fan fiction it would be the sequel. Anyway later days


	3. important

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IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

A/N Hi Minna-samma, I have an announcement to make so I'll just shut up and make it, I have made a decision, I have decided to put a hold on all other stories but one and then when I finish that one I'll do another. So here is what you people at home have to do you have to read my other stuff and tell in a review what one you want me to finish first second and so forth. So until I'm told which to write, all other writing will be put on hold.

Thank you for your patience and I love you all

Mystic_Eyes


	4. stuff

I have an announcement, I will be leaving ff.net permanently because of some unpleasant circumstances. Fear not I will be starting up a mailing list, if you like to join my mailing list please review a story of mine stating that you want to join and then I'll see about sending the chapters to you. Thanks soo much for reading and reviewing... I love you all soo very much and this has nothing to do with any of my reviewers for any of my escaflowne fiction. The piece that caused the problem I removed but I still feel it is best I leave.

~Makura-Chan~


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